


Planes, Wades and Stupid Responses to Stupid Questions

by MindlesslyCreating



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Language, M/M, Peter is a Little Shit, Wade Being an Idiot, airport
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-05-02 12:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5248772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MindlesslyCreating/pseuds/MindlesslyCreating
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Going through Airport Security should be easy, yes? No. Not with Wade Wilson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Planes, Wades and Stupid Responses to Stupid Questions

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea from Jimmy Fallon's Hashtag skit. It was from the Hashtag #stopitdad and I thought this particular tweet was beautiful and very much Wade Wilson. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> I own the story, not the original incident!  
> Also, I do not own Marvel or any of the characters, but I would like to work for them one day! Call me!
> 
>  
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aslUtzbKxU (Link to the video)

**Planes, Wades and Stupid Responses to Stupid Questions**

 

Peter Parker could have, no, should have seen this situation coming from an Asgard distance away. He kept his head buried between his knees, his hands firmly grasped around his neck. Peter had always prided himself on being fairly intelligent. Good grades, scholarships, grants and even letters from distinguished scientists complimenting his work. They were all mistaken, Peter was an idiot.

Several voices came over the Speaker announcing several different flights that were boarding, a few voicing last calls for passengers who hadn’t made it onto their flights yet and the automated message telling passengers to watch out for any suspicious behavior. They were supposed to be on a flight to Florida to visit his Aunt who had decided that she wanted to live somewhere warm and sunny. It was supposed to be a nice, relaxing, lawful vacation, but now? They had been detained at the airport because Wade fucking Wilson couldn’t keep his goddamn mouth shut for all of thirty seconds. Knowing his boyfriend as well as he does he should have known that taking him anywhere he had to interact with people who did not know him would be a mistake, but no, hence Peter being an idiot. He was expecting the world’s biggest idiot award any day now.

“Petey?” No, he was not going to talk to the worlds second biggest idiot. They made a wonderful couple. He felt several distinguished pokes on his arm, but kept his head to the floor and his eyes firmly shut. He should have just accepted Tony’s offer to fly them. “Sweetums I said I was sorry!” Peter was going to end up caving. Wade was more delicate than he seemed, but he was justifiably angry.

“Wade. Just…. No, not right now.” Peter took in a deep breath before recounting all of the ways he could have prevented this situation. A sudden spark of anger sparked in him. He knew the TSA agent was just doing his job, but come on! That was a fucking stupid question to ask anybody, especially one who looked like he had gone through a war.

He groaned sitting up and rubbing his eye sockets before glaring over towards Wade who had the decency to at least look a little sheepish. Peter rolled his eyes and held his hand out for Wade. He immediately grabbed Peter’s hand and laced their fingers together. He couldn’t stay mad at the hulking mass of muscle, but he could definitely make the older man piss himself in anticipation.

“You owe me everything. Your soul, the internet…I want a fucking star named after me.” Wade grinned and squeezed his hand.

“You got it babe.” He heard another plane take off and he tensed once more with a brief spurt of annoyance. He lightly smacked the back of Wade’s head who scrunched up his face in dislike.

“UGH, I just can’t get over your fucking mouth sometimes.” Wade grinned slyly as pulled Peter closer to him.

“Oh is that right?” Peter shot him a look that was all bite and no bark. Wade waggled his eyebrows before nestling his face in the crook of Peter’s neck. “I think you actually found it hilarious. With how terrible your sense of humor is, I bet you were waiting to crack up.” Peter glared at nothing as Wade continued to nestle himself in the crook of his neck.

“It would have been funny if, and only if, it was somewhere else goddammit! We had, key word there is had, a plane to catch and guess where it is now?”

“Gone?”

“Gone.” If he didn’t know better, he would think that Wade was trying to disappear into the crease of his neck. “You know burying into my neck does not make you any less visible asshole.” Wade grinned against his neck.

“Yeah, but can’t hurt a guy for trying?”

“Oh, but sweetie…. you can.” He picked up Wade’s hand and bit it. Wade yelped and pulled his hand against his chest, shooting Peter a fake look of betrayal.

“You bit me!” Looking mighty proud of himself Peter nodded and grabbed Wades hand again. “Am I going to get Spider-Rabies? Because I’m not going to lie, that would be super cool.” Peter snorted, snapping to attention as he noticed the TSA agent coming into the room in which they were being detained.

“You guys are lucky that you have some mighty good friends in high places.” Peter let out the biggest sigh.

“Sir, do you know who we have to thank when we get back?” The TSA agent looked back at the folder he had in his hands, frowned in confusion and looked back to Peter.

“It doesn’t say a name it just says, ‘Tell those two idiots that they get to clean the towers bathrooms for the next two weeks when they get back.’ Does that mean anything to you?” Peter and Wade both audibly groaned.

“Let’s just stay detained. That asshole is going to milk this for all that its worth.” Peter nodded in agreement, but decided that if he wasn’t going to be the adult in this situation there would be no adult. He stood up, pulling Wade up with him. He held out a hand, smiling apologetically.

“Thank you Sir, I’m sorry my boyfriend is an idiot.” The Agent smiled awkwardly before nodding and shaking Peter’s outstretched hand. Wade leaned heavily on Peter whining loudly about ‘cleaning bathrooms in a maid’s outfit’ and ‘Doesn’t he hire people for that’? He started to pull Wade out of the small room when the TSA agent cleared his throat quickly.

“Boys, next time an agent asks if you have a bomb do not respond with ‘Like I’d tell you if I had a bomb’. A lot of TSA agents do not have a sense of humor, especially when it comes to the safety of its Passengers.” Peter nodded vigorously before hauling Wade out by his ear. Next time, they were hitching a ride on one of Tony’s planes.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you thought idea was as funny as I did...I think I find myself funnier than I am. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!


End file.
